So, it has come to my attention that I have Postpartum Depression. I am still trying to figure out what that means for me.
I love my daughter more than anything in the world. My husband inspires me on a regular basis. I have an amazing job. I think trying to be everything, I have lost the true core of who I am. I am by no means suicidal, nor do I have ill thoughts towards my daughter (not that it doesn't happen, nor is wrong, just not in my case). If my daughter reads this by some strange fluke, then I want her to know that this is not her fault! Its no ones fault really. It would be my fault if I did nothing about it, and kept going about my gloomy miserable way. I refuse to let this take over me any longer!
I am not a doctor, nor do I say that what I am doing is how everyone should handle PPD, but this is what I am going to do. Write about it, get back to my normal routine and start enjoying life again. I truely hope that with some dedication and hard ass work, I can do this. Climb out of this hole that I have dug and start living in the light again.
Reflecting about this, and whether I wanted to post it has plagued me. I am not sure how I feel about it. But, ever the advocate for mental health awareness and acceptance I will post it. To my friends and family who may or may not read this, please know that I am ok. I have an incredible spouse and I will make it. I have tried to handle this on my own (not knowing what I was handling...) but now that I do, I am being open and honest. All I ask for in return is time to heal. I have not told many people face to face or rather many people at all. I myself am still wrapping my own head around it.
I relate so much of what goes on in my life through the music I listen to and this is no exception. On so many levels this song just hits home. Florence and the Machince - No light no light
The video...for no other reason other then simply...she is amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGH-4jQZRcc
So glad you let us know. That takes a lot of strength. For what it's worth, you are very inspiring for me. You've managed a family move to a new city, a career change, new parenthood, leaving behind friends, and supporting your husband so he can be happy as well. Not to mention continuing towards your own personal and professional goals at the same time as caring for the cutest little girl.
ReplyDeleteLet us all know what we can do to help, as I believe each person experiences PPD in their own way and needs different support. Don't be afraid to put us friends to work!! =)
xox
-A
Thanks so much A! That means a lot to me! I think that by admitting it, and being aware has already helped. By no means am I completely back to me yet, but I am making progress. Your support and encouragement has always been my guiding light. All I can ask of you is to keep being you! Thanks again so very much!
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